2014…..Next?

The last day of 2014. As I type there is less than 6 hours to go before the clock strikes midnight ringing in 2015. It’s hard to believe we are well into the 21st century but here we are.

Hopefully 2014 has treated you well. If you are like me it has been a year of ups and downs with a bit of a learning curve thrown in. There were good times, bad times, downright ugly times, times that made me grow, times that I wish I could forget, times I never want to forget. I suppose that is any year from my life.

I could tell you about my ups and downs but I would rather keep them inside and move on to the new year without reminiscing. I could tell you a list of resolutions but they are few and not what the new year is about. I could tell you what I learned in 2014 but it was all my own personal schooling.

I’m taking myself into 2015 with the knowledge that I will continue to learn, continue to grown, continue to experience ups and downs and most of all, that I will still be me and that is a good place to be. I hope 2015 brings great things for all of us but most of all I hope 2015 brings more inner peace and understanding of ourselves to each one of us as for me that is what 2014 brought me most towards the end of the year.

Cheers to the New Year! Celebrate well and remember that really tomorrow is just the next day on the calendar. How you live it is up to you. So on that note, enjoy your night! Party it up, stay home and watch a movie, hang out with loved ones……whatever you want to do it is up to you!

Roadway Ralph

Tomorrow is Groundhog Day! It seems to have become overshadowed by this whole Super Bowl thing. It is an important day…a day when we base the future weather on a groundhog and whether or not he sees his shadow! Okay, seriously it is a funny tradition but nonetheless just about as accurate as any weather forecaster. There is the famous Punxsutawney Phil, the most famous of them all. Most of the US tunes in to see if he sees his shadow thus dooming us to six more weeks of winter. In the south we have General Beau Lee, who has been built a tiny southern mansion to emerge from. Really? Although he supposedly has a 94% accuracy rate! Phil on the other hand……39%. Living in groundhog country we have Nibbles at the WNC Nature Center. I really find flaw in his predictions as his prediction is taken by the locals at, what?, 2pm! I guess he likes his sleep? I don’t know how accurate Nibbles is but I personally think I’m going to base my weather news on my nearest roadside groundhog. So tomorrow at 7:30am I will go to the road, find a groundhog hole and wait for him. I’ll even name him Roadway Ralph. Will he see his shadow? Or I just might sleep in and see what General Lee and Phil said.

2013: Up & Down

Like many others I spend the last few days of any year reflecting on it.  What I expected to happen, what did happen, was it a good year, did I grow, and everything in between.

I honestly had high hopes for 2013.  Overall I have found 13 to be a lucky number for me.  It was also my 13th year as a North Carolina resident so double 13 for me!  Had to be awesome right?!?

Yes and no.  It brought some awesome things to my life like the opportunity to become a homeowner, my first full year with the furry love of my life, a little bit of traveling, and wonderful friendships.

This year also brought serious family health issues, love and heartache, and battles with anxiety.

It is how life goes, up and down.  It wasn’t the year I expected but I did grow more and learn more about myself and those around me. Becoming a homeowner again was pretty momentous and I couldn’t be happier for that.

I hope 2014 is a little less of a roller coaster ride.  I would prefer a steady up but unfortunately with family health issues it isn’t starting on an up.  All I can do is take care of myself and those around me and know that what happens is.

So here is to the upcoming year and I hope 2013 has been a good one for you and that 2014 is even better!

UnBiased Love

Being in my late 30s I grew up just like most other kids my age with the expectation to find someone of the opposite sex, get married, have kids and/or become career focused (since career was such an 80s era drive).

I was definitely attracted to boys growing up but also had an infatuation with a particular female here or there.  I think the first female that really caught my eye was Jennifer Grey.  I’m not exactly sure why, maybe her curly hair,her sassy role in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, or maybe just the particular picture I found but I had a photo of her plastered on the inside of my “secret” area of all my early pre teen stuff.

Time went on and I just brushed my occasional infatuation over a girl as wishing I was more like that particular female.  I did tend to pick women that had at least some similar features to me and having something I admired.

Time went on and in college I was in my second serious relationship with a male.  I had a chemistry class in which, there was chemistry. There was a girl whom sat in front of me and I had my first serious girl crush.  It was quite overwhelming at the time because it was the first time I admitted to myself that I didn’t see all women as friends or just women, I was sometimes attracted romantically.  Nothing ever happened with this girl outside of my fantasies and my starting of coming out.

My best friend for a few years in college was gay.  He was the first person I came out to, or at least came out as questioning myself and admitting I had a girl crush.  He made me feel comfortable with my feelings and gave me an outlet to express my inner thoughts and feelings.

A year or so passed and I found myself being attracted to more and more women.  I came out to my boyfriend as “curious”. He was accepting of this and allowed me to express my thoughts with him which made me feel comfortable with my “crushes”.  As time passed I knew I was attracted to both sexes but didn’t know if my attraction to females would extend beyond that, an attraction.  I met friends whom would tell me that they found both sexes attractive but couldn’t “emotionally” connect to both.

It wasn’t until I was 34 that I was single and back into the dating world after a long relationship.  This finally gave me the opportunity to see if my attraction to women was just physical or if it could be emotional too.

Over 4 and a half years later I can tell you that I find both men and women attractive physically and emotionally.  I do tend to be more attracted to those that don’t fit well into a gender role, especially considering I don’t think I fit well into the gender role of a female.

I am currently with a guy and I feel like maybe I am confusing some people.  In the last three years I have had 2 relationships and both were with females.  Even to myself it is a little weird.  I had to get used to thinking “boyfriend” instead of “girlfriend”.  I think I also find myself doing things like this blog to say “no, I’m not a lesbian but I’m no straight girl either!”

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I have always been a bisexual and will always be.  I recently read a blog by Single Dad Laughing that I found I could definitely relate to.

http://www.danoah.com/2013/04/the-harsh-hurtful-reality-of-being-bisexual.html/5

Oftentimes I get to the end of a blog, like this one, and try to figure out where exactly I was going with all of this and how do I wrap it up.  I will end it with this, I’m with a guy right now and that might be for quite a long time and it doesn’t mean I was straight all along or it may not last and I find myself with a girl and that doesn’t mean I was a lesbian all along.  I am Karen, I love a person, not a gender.  I think more can relate to that idea than are willing to admit to the world.

 

 

Getting My Legs Back

It sucks right now that the 31 miles I rode today kicked my ass.  Last November I rode 72 miles in one day, amazing how some time off the bike quickly affects one.

Life has been a little bit in the way with silly things like buying a house, family visiting, and traveling. Fortunately I am settling back down and finding time again to do the things I love on a regular basis (like blog!).

Hopefully by this November I will be back to having a set of strong legs and today’s ride will seem like a piece of cake. (yummm…..did someone say cake?)

What Life Brings

It has been quite awhile since I posted. Life has been just a wee bit crazy busy. I am now officially a homeowner again as of June 20th. Wow!  I’m still kind of in disbelief.

It is my second time as a homeowner, the first time was with an ex. That time it was a joint decision and everything wasn’t just up to me. This time it was just up to me. I bought the house all on my own accord with no one else to judge other than hearing  “I think it is an awesome place” from my realtor who is also a friend (and we looked at a few that he agreed was not an awesome place) and my friend/now old roommate whom drove by and looked at the outside.  That was it, otherwise just my little head and my gut saying this is it.

So here I am over 2 weeks into being a homeowner with no regrets. It is a small home, but all I need for my four-legged family and I. There is storage in the basement for my two-wheeled family and a nice yard for Opal and the cats to explore.  They seem to approve.

I finally feel like I have part of the “American dream”, being a homeowner. It is rewarding as it gives me responsibility which I kind of thrive on. Having the lawn mowed and keeping the gutters clean are all on me. For awhile in my life I was happy to be a renter and not have that but I started to yearn for it again. Mostly because I can then landscape how I want and know that I am taking care of something that is mine.

Other than buying a new (to me) home my parents are currently here visiting so I am being a tourist in my own town and coming up soon I am heading to my old state of Colorado and heading to my (yikes!) 20th high school reunion.

A lot going on for this summer already. I am really looking forward to settling back down and getting into a routine with the new place and having more time to craft and ride again.

Overall life has been bringing me good things and I cannot complain. Thank you, my lucky year, 2013!

Grateful Friday

It is Friday and it has been quite awhile since I have posted on one.  I used to be adamant about posting on Friday as those mornings were regular blog mornings.  Life has been just too busy, or maybe my priorities have shifted.  Nonetheless, whatever it is, it is Friday and I’m blogging!  I know you are so excited that you are about to pee your pants right now.

So anyway a little update into my world.  Less than a week and I close on my new house!  I’m truly excited!  This will be the second time for me as a homeowner but the first as a single homeowner.  Just me and my four legged family!

Other than the big move, 1 mile away as the crow flies I have been busy on some commissioned work with Brews & Jewels.  Then spending the occasional moment catching up with friends over a beer or hanging out with Opal.  Mostly packing and crafting though! Overall life is going quite well for me.  I feel like I’m becoming a somewhat normal American with a steady job, soon to have a house , a dog and two cats.  So, I don’t have more humans in my family but right now that is okay.  That will come when the time is right.

Despite all of my fortune I have been feeling some pain for many friends. Several have been dealing with the forces of mother nature and evacuations from home, the death of a good friend, and health problems.  It seems like the force of the universe has been quite unusual recently causing quite a bit of unrest around the world in so many ways. I feel very grateful that I seem to be escaping that right now. I have had my share before and I sure I will again so right now I’m happy to be me right now.

Since I’m feeling grateful today it seems appropriate to post some Grateful Dead.  Here is one of my old faves from them.

 

 

Settling In

I haven’t been on here much.  Life has been quite crazy recently but for the most part in good ways.  Brews & Jewels has been working away with anticipation of Big Love Fest that was supposed to happen on the 5th but ended up postponed due to the weather.  It was scheduled as a rain or shine event but the weather ended up being a little bit more than that with heavy rain and high winds called for so last-minute it was postponed with a date TBD.  Still waiting on that.  Sigh.  Also this Saturday is Appalachian Shakedown happening at Highland Brewing!  It is mostly a music and beer oriented festival with some local artists and I’m very excited to be one of them! The weather should be mid 70s and sunny.  Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Also keeping me busy is my feet becoming firmer in the small city I have grown to adore.  I’m in the process of buying a house and if everything goes well I should be a homeowner in a month or so.  It is very exciting and yes, if you know me, anxiety producing.  I’m doing this all on my own and I couldn’t be happier but yet I can’t help but worry if I am doing everything I should and at the right time.  According to my realtor I’m ahead of the game so I guess my worrying is paying off.

If you have been keeping up with me you know that I have been feeling unsettled in life and wanting to nest.  Having that desire to have a house, family, and I guess overall feel like what we grow up thinking where we should be in our late 30s.  (Ack!  How did I get to be 38?)

I don’t want to have children.  I had my child in high school and proudly put her up for adoption.  My genes are out there and I don’t feel a need to help the overpopulation of the world.  Plus I have limited patience with children.  They can be adorable but I am too selfish for my own.  I do enjoy my four legged kids, a dog and to cats.  I would like to add a significant other at some point but that needs to be the right person.  So right now I am happy to be forming a more permanent home for the furry ones and me.  A house that is all ours.

So I finally am feeling like I am putting my nest together and although it takes time and energy it is so exciting and worth it!  So keep your fingers crossed for me that the next month plays out like it should and I become a homeowner.  Oh and if you are in Asheville come to Highland Brewing on Saturday, drink a beer or two, listen to some awesome music and say hi!

Life’s Surprises

I haven’t blogged in a few weeks.  Life has been a bit busy and crazy but in the best of ways.  Life has been treating me quite well recently and much of it seems to come suddenly and surprise me.  Right now I am so thankful to the universe for what is has given me.

It is all little things but yet all together it brings me inner joy and a sense of feeling like I am in the right place in my life.  I truly feel fortunate and know that life changes and I need to appreciate what I have now.

Tonight I am crafting and organizing for this Sunday’s festival, Big Love Fest.  The biggest event I will have been at so far vending with Brews & Jewels.  I also have another festival in two weeks at Highland Brewing Company, Appalachian Shakedown. Which they approached me and asked if I wanted to vend!  Considering I have several pieces featuring them the answer is of course a yes!

Besides my exciting crafting life I am now in the position to be able to get my own place, not just rent but own.  Of course I will have a mortgage but I can realistically afford my own place for myself and my four-legged family.

I feel like I have choices in my life right now and that I actually know what I want to choose.  I want to be here, in the city I love, with my furry family, spending time with my crafts and friends and enjoying the little things that add up and make life perfect.

I had a friend try hard to convince me to go out tonight but I chose to stay home.  I needed to work on my crafts and I wanted my gratefully eventful week to sink in.

Life is good.  Thank you universe.

Riding to My Nest

I have been a little unsettled recently.  I have mentioned before that I’m at a point where I want to nest after a few years of living in the moment and .  I’m working on making steps to feel a little bit more nested but right now my life is still in chaos.

Many of you know I suffer from anxiety so of course right now I’m having some issues with it.  I’m trying to step back and realize things can’t just happen, that there is a process.  I’m also trying to keep in mind that process can bring self discovery and lasting memories.

My nest will come.  Not all at once but in steps and I need to enjoy the ride along the way.  That is what life is all about.