Fully Grown

So today is the 19th birthday of my daughter.  Most of you don’t know this about me but 19 years ago I had a baby girl.  I was in high school and my boyfriend and I at the time made the smart decision of putting her up for adoption.  It made for growing up quickly at 17 years old and a lot of tough decisions but I am glad we took the route we did.

I found out I was pregnant when I came down with not just morning sickness but all day sickness.  I was puking all day long, everything triggered my nausea.  I ended up on a diet of Ritz crackers and Gatorade for a while.  Which later lead to a hatred of those two things but I’m now past it.  Although please don’t offer me lemon-lime Gatorade, I still hate that.  Anyway, after spending some time the doctor he asked if there was any possibility I might be pregnant.  Of course I said no at first.  My mom was with me why would I admit to being sexually active?  Eventually I had to say yes and there I was sitting with my mom at the doctors when I got the news.  I was pregnant.  Well I guess the hard part of telling my mom was out of the way, right?

Next was to tell my boyfriend.  I didn’t really think it all through and was scared as hell so told him over the phone that night.  I believe he was at some big family dinner or something at that time.  Not really the best timing on my part.  Then began a big journey into adulthood.  Letting all the family know, facing school on a daily basis and finding out whom my true friends were and weren’t.  Having to make so many decisions I wasn’t ready for.

Thankfully I had the most wonderful teenage boy by my side throughout it all to help me make these decisions and love and support me throughout everything.  It was a hard time on both of us and most guys would have left or told me to have an abortion.  Instead we thoroughly thought through all the possibilities and in the end made the decision right for us.

I sometimes think how life would have been if our decision was different.  If I had kept her or had an abortion.  Or if I had never been pregnant to begin with.  I wish life was different for me at that time but I am also grateful for everything I learned at that time in my life.  There is no point in regretting the past.  I don’t regret it.  Plus out there somewhere is a beautiful fully grown girl with beautiful eyes, crazy curly blond hair whom I’m sure is one of the sweetest, cutest, most awesome girls in the world.

I hope wherever she is today that she is having a wonderful birthday and is surrounded by good friends and is enjoying life to the fullest as she enters adulthood.

Happy birthday to my beautiful girl, I love you.



13 responses to “Fully Grown

  1. Beautiful.

  2. It is incredible how couragous you are to share this story. Just like you said you can’t regret the past, and the lessons learned have made you a stronger person because of it. Thanks for sharing.

  3. I am glad I read your post. Very interesting

  4. Karen it is amazing to think that night was 17 years ago. I remember how hard that was and how strong you were at such a young age. You are even more amazing today as you look back at that time with such great clarity. I love you! Allison

  5. thank you for sharing your daughter with the world, and your story with us.

  6. I remember that time well, as I was pregnant with my daughter at the same time. I think of you and your boyfriend of the time often. It is because of the two of you I choose to put my daughter up for adoption. I understand having to grow up fast as I was only 15 at the time. I am glad to see you are doing well and hope only the best for you.

  7. Pingback: Anniversaries | The INTOspective

  8. Thanks for sharing Karen. Your being open about your life is refreshing and I appreciate your honesty. That was a tough thing to deal with at your age especially! Sounds like you did the right thing;-)

  9. thank you for sharing such a touching, affirming, powerful part of your life Karen!

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