So I have noticed more people read my blog when I talk about the emotional shit going on in my world versus the blogs I post about my trip or music videos, you know, happy things. Maybe it’s the timing, maybe you all like to know someone else out there has some crappy shit going on in life, besides yourself of course. Whatever it is, you all inspired me, well along with you know, real life, to write about the emotional shit going on. For some people, as a friend said to me earlier tonight, t.m.i.. He also said he was reading my blog (and also the beertender of the establishment we were hanging out at). So! Read it or not I like saying what is going on.
So anyways now that I have gotten that out of the way I wanted to update you on what has been going on with me on the inside. Recently I have been reading this book called Quirkyalone (http://quirkyalone.net/). Here is the definition of one whom defines themself as a quirkyalone: n. adj. a person who enjoys being single (or spending time alone) and so prefers to wait for the right person to come along rather than dating indiscriminately.
So anyway this book is talking about me. In the last 2 1/2 years the longest relationship I have had been in was 3 1/2 months, the next longest 1 1/2 months and yeah well shorter after that. I just find it hard to date or be in a relationship unless I am truly interested and think it might possibly go somewhere. It just seems like a waste of my time. Maybe I have become too used to nights alone watching movies and nights out with my friends drinking beer. I don’t want anyone to report to, I don’t want to feel obligated to remember birthdays and anniversaries…or wait…
Do I? I don’t know. Part of me wants a relationship. Someone to be another “half” to me, to tell my daily musings to. Part of me enjoys the freedom and life of being single. It seems to be a conflict. I guess that is truly normal though as when I was in my 14 plus year relationship for over half of those I wondered if I should be single (and really truly should have been). So I guess I’m normal. Wait? Did I just say I was normal?
Which this also brings up the 14 plus year relationship. I ran into him tonight. Or more specifically he saw my car parked at one of my favorite local drinking establishments and stopped. Brought out the dog he is dog-sitting for the girl he is now dating. Hmmm…did he just want to rub it in my face he is yet, dating another girl since our break up, or did he actually want to say hi? Weird since his total amount of being single in the last 2 1/2 years has been well maybe 2 months and mines has been 2 years or so. Whatever, just a reminder he still does not have his shit together, or maybe I don’t have mine. I am the single one after all.
Anyway, we grow up believing we should become married and have a family. Well I don’t want kids and as far as marriage, yes I would like to eventually marry, but not just get married. I want to be someone who marries for life, like the vows say, but know that I have no doubts.Maybe I’m delusional or maybe not. I’ll date but don’t expect more than a couple unless I really think you have true potential. I’m just saying.
So I hope my emotional musings make you feel more normal or make you feel better than normal or make you feel like a total screw up. Those would be the options right? I’m just as screwed as the person next to me I guess.