It’s Not Fuckin’ Fair!

So my plans were for today to volunteer for Asheville on Bikes and then fearlead at my last roller derby bout as Captain Dirty.  I was to volunteer until 3, then I figured I would stay until 3:30 and head home for some food and water and a shower before the bout.  This was the plan until about 2:30? or so.  My friend Mike called.  I looked at my phone playing Beck’s Devil’s Haircut ( my ringtone) and saw it said Mike was calling. That’s odd for this time on a Saturday, it’s probably related to Pisgah Area SORBA, my mountain bike organization that I’m heavily involved in.  I answer with lots of music and crowd in the background.  That’s when I heard the news.  Elana passed away today.  What?!  This was a shock to hear.  I heard from David that she was very sick about a week, or maybe less, ago.  that is all I knew.  All I still know is that three weeks ago or so she found out she had cancer and today she passed away because of it.  It’s not fuckin’ fair!

Let me tell you about Elana.  I met her a couple of years ago at a party and immediately thought “wow!  This is one honest upfront woman whom is really cool, I need to get to know her”.  After that I have hung out with her on and off, mostly at dinner/party gatherings.  I knew I could always count on her to give me her true opinion.  She was a true friend, someone I knew would give me a hug when I needed it and someone who would also tell me “what the fuck are you doing with him?”  when I needed it.  I wish I had known the last time I hung out with her (about 3 weeks ago) was going to be the last.  It’s not fuckin’ fair!

I wish I could go back in time but I can’t.  I wish I could tell her she was one of the most down to earth, awesome, true to herself and others person I have ever met.  I miss you Elana, you were fucking awesome and I know you would approve of my language in this blog.  I love you girl!  I decided to continue to hang out at Beer City.  I didn’t want to go home alone.  I also figured, despite her not drinking the last few months, overall she appreciated great beer and I should have a few for her.  Anyway, I have no logic right now and it was better than crying or trying to prep myself for a bout that I did not want to head to after I heard the news.  I miss you already Elana.  You have passed on some words of wisdom of time about my love life and I thank you.  Again, it’s not fuckin’ fair!

I should add that most of all it’s not fair to her husband and her three boys.

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6 responses to “It’s Not Fuckin’ Fair!

  1. I am sorry to hear this, and you are right cancer is not fucking fair. I have lost too many loved ones to it. If you need anything, please let me know.

  2. I’m sorry for your loss.

  3. I’m sorry to hear that Karen. That’s sad and scary.

  4. Just found out my mom has stage IV pancreatic cancer. I know how you must feel. I’m so sorry for your loss.

  5. I am sorry to hear this. My thoughts and comfort are with you and her family. My mom used to carry around a little pin on her oxygen bag that simply said Cancer Sucks. So true. Hugs

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